I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
