Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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