I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
