HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize