I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize