my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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