You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
