I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
