You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
