You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
