Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
