he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Boobs speak an international language.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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