No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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