Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
