I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
