Hey man sorry I got all grabby
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
