Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
