I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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