1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
