That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
