just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
