her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
