One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
