you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
