so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
