clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
