this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
