I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
being pregnant is like rehab
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
