I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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