you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
