My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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