I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
