I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
