can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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