i think my tv is drunk
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
