We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
