I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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