never play flip cup with pint glasses
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
