when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
