You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
