a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
