there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
