Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
