i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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