we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
