The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
