Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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