Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize
