btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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