your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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