guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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