I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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