i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
