As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
