well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
this just has baby written all over it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
