it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
