i think my tv is drunk
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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