It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
