Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
