Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
