Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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