so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
