I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
