Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize