I hate your face
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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