I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
