i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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