I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
sarcasm needs its own font
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
