my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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