Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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