I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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