He is an equal opportunity slut.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
