i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
