"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
