Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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