I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize