She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
