you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
