so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
