had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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