There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
