i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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