mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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