I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish I only lived at night.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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