It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
