How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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