I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
