no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
