you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
