i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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