That's when you crack a 10am beer
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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