:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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