...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
