Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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